Last Friday I (30 M) was out in the city with this girl (F 27, I will call her "B") I’m currently dating and some mutual friends. At some point, some random guys showed up (friends of friends I don’t really know), and one of them started hitting on her, making jokes, trying to hold her hand, stuff like that. Almost nobody knows we are dating, as we don't wanna be that pubblic so early. She wasn’t very comfortable and tried to keep me around until we all went to one of their houses to continue the night. I wasn’t really in the mood, but she asked me to come, saying “you’re not going to leave me with them, right?”
At some point we talked, we even went to the bathroom together and made out a bit in private. But those guys were the type who hit on every girl, trying to look cool and confident in front of them.
That one guy kept joking and provoking her, and I started to feel sick about it, seeing that sometimes she wouldn't listen to me because she was answering to him. We’ve only been dating for about three weeks, but I had that feeling of “you’re the beta,” “you’re losing her to them.” I tried to say something to her, I even pinched her sleeve to get her attention, but she brushed me off while talking to them. It wasn’t on purpose, I could tell after few seconds, we were both a bit drunk and I could have communicated better instead of doing that, but it still added to that "you are the inferior" feeling.
So I said I was leaving because it was late and I had to wake up early the next day -truth-. She asked if I was just informing her or if I was inviting her to come. I said I was leaving and asked what she wanted to do, genuinely, because maybe she wanted to stay and have more fun. She said “what do you mean?” and then got distracted again, maybe by her phone or someone talking to her, I can't recall now. I waited a bit, said 'goodbye' to everyone in general, hoping she would notice, but she stayed distracted. I even tried to buy some more time, but nothing. So I left.
Once I was outside I felt really sad and kind of hurt. I was thinking about all the books I’ve been reading to become a better person and partner, to manage anxiety and emotional swings… and then I thought how I was stupid to think to top over.. because the world isn’t fair, and that a good-looking guy can still do better than you, even with the person you care about, even if he is not serious with them. I also had some cookies I had made for her, saying I had a gift for her and I didn’t even get to give them to her. She didn’t say goodbye or come with me when I left.
When I got home, she texted me saying she was home too. She asked if something had happened, because I left without saying goodbye to her and without asking her if she wanted to come with me. That’s when I realized we had just misunderstood each other. She was sad about the same things I was sad about, just from her perspective. I was honest with her and told her how I felt, but without making a big deal out of it. We saw each other the next day, and she brought the topic up again in a lighthearted way. There was also a sweet moment where I said, “those guys just wanted you and the other girls, it didn’t really matter if I was there or not,” and she replied, “for them maybe. For me it does matter.” That same day we spent the night together and I gave her the cookies. Sunday she wasn't feeling well and we cancelled our date, in the evening she was with her friend while I was at my grandma house for dinner. Today we might have had a date, it depends how busy she was and in facts we didn't do anything, she asked sorry for not letting me know earlier and that she is in a weird moment now. Honestly there is no problem for this.. it's just I have the feeling that I might ruined everything friday and now everything is dying.
She is really sweet. She’s beautiful, and she’s even taller than me haha. I honestly don’t see what she sees in me. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t know many people here, but she had Tinder (maybe she still has it, idk), so I guess she could meet anyone she wants. I’ve spent years browsing forums about being good looking enough to attract.. and I think I’m average-looking with some flaws. Being called “under 5” and things like that really put pressure on me and made me feel like I’m always competing. I always have this voice in my head saying “she can do better,” and I’m constantly on edge because of it. Guys I am reading some threads here and I see girls and women sick of their men and theirs behaviours.. i don't wanna be like that, i don't wanna her be filtered with me. She already seems so close since day 1, sometimes she reveals that she expected something else, but she doesn't say it, and it's not like I can read mind haha; so I really don't want to have ruined something.
Now I don't know if i have to open the topic again briefly, just to say her that I am sorry, since I don't think I did, or if I will seem clingy and insecure to do it so.
TL;DR: I am working to be a better person and partner, but I feel like I might assertive and fight for the girl I like, but I ended up having some bad behaviour and jealously the other night for some guy hitting on her. I am afraid I might have fumbled this; because with my last girlfriend we had an argument, in the end she said she was sorry for getting anger, but the relationship didn't ever feel the same for me, because in the end she said she was sorry for getting mad, but never communicated about what brought the discussion.
What to do?
